you will not heal by going back to what broke you.

So life has changed. One of the hardest parts is losing the daily companionship. Sometimes it’s easy to focus on the inadequacies of the other person. I find it non-productive and depressing. Looking back, I think both of us kept putting time and effort into everything except each other. You can never go back. You can’t change the past. In saying that, there is no where to move but forward. My bossy sister has been known to say “Put on your big girl pants and deal with it”. So I do.

I find that I cook one big meal once a week. Then I eat it for days. I find my house to be cleaner. I find that my skills for plumbing have improved since I have taken the bathroom sink apart a few times, and unclogged sinks. Other things are a challenge like figuring out heating problems, lifting a 60# sick dog through the house. In general fixing things when they break. But you do get through it one way or another.

Many suggestions for moving on have come my way. All of which focus on rediscovering who I am and building a new life. But to move forward you need to let go. Until January 7th my whole world was built around my family. At he center of this family was my husband. Well that is changing…not divorced yet! I spent 35 married years taking care of him and building a family. My question is ” How do you stop loving someone that has been such a significant part of your life?” The answer is not easy. My advice to young women is this. Do things that are important to you. Do not give them up when you marry. Remember who you are. Do not let go of your dreams and goals. Do not lose them in someone else’s dreams. They are yours to keep. I gave up “My Dream” for his. I believed we had the same dream. In retrospect my family was helping to build his dream. Once it came to fruition we were left at the curbside. Well at least I was.

Life happens. Family members become ill, you lose them before their time. Parents enter nursing homes, and you suffer your own personal health problems. For me it was cancer. It seems like by the time I took a breath and felt like we could enjoy time together….he packed up. In the words of Bob Seger- “He packed up his bags and took off down the road.”