Time has passed. I am more in command of my life now. I find I am calmer, less reactive and more clear in thinking through things. Finally moving a step forward. I can now assert myself. Every choice I make is my choice to make.
The property is finally sold. It is the most beautiful property on the Niagara Escarpment. This is soon to be someone else’s residence. What was once filled with joy, love and happiness is now just a place for me to land everyday, and quite expensive at that. I have always believed that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. I must be Wonder Woman by now!
Since I was in high school and straight through my last year of college I had one boyfriend. Then I met my ex-husband. A few years later we were married. So I was never the decision maker in my life. It was a Man’s right to make all the decisions. If I did then I would run into one of these comments:
Why would you choose that?
That’s a BAD decision!
Who would ever think of something like that?
Well now there is not a MAN to make my decisions, or to make my choices in life. I would not forfeit that right anymore! I am starting fresh, new possibilities, new roads to travel and explore. All decisions are mine. If I make the wrong one I will learn from the experience.
There is still work to do before I leave here. I have to resume my role of packing my life in little boxes to go to an undetermined location. My realtor says it’s too early to get into another real estate contract. I need to be careful of my expenses. I have to look after myself physically and financially. I will not relinquish this right nor should I.
I have to decide what to take with me and what to get rid of. Difficult decisions, as many things hold special memories. I collect antique kitchen ware and I will not part with that. Some things are from may parent’s home. Some remind me of the days we watched my Mom and my Grandmother cook. My sister’s and I all benefited from this and became exceptional cooks.
I know my boys and my nieces will not particularly want some of our family “treasures”. That is OK and I will take them with me because they remind me of a loving family and a safe haven.
The year 2019 has been a year of facing immense loss, trying times, sadness, and fruitless negotiations. I have come out of this with strength I would never have imagined I had within. A lifetime is too short, and time is too precious to waste, or to give up on. Not ME! Still like the song says
Take
these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to free!
undone-then-redone-2019 