Such is the way of the world You can never know Just where to put all your faith And how will it grow Gonna rise up Burning black holes in dark memories Gonna rise up Turning mistakes into gold Such is the passage of time Too fast to fold Suddenly swallowed by signs Low and behold Gonna rise up Find my direction magnetically Gonna rise up Throw down my ace in the hole Songwriters: EDDIE VEDDER

I stay in this house which is no longer a home. I feel like it is my ball and chain. What I do know is that when I speak to the ex husband I do not feel anything. This has been evolving since the split. Reason is my therapy is helping me to understand the one sided relationship I once called a marriage. I accept it, have learned a lot about myself and I feel like I am in a better place.

I know I did a formidable job raising our children. My family was always first. Considering what my boys need emotionally at this point is the top of my list. I will lead them by example. I will lead them by being strong enough to make tough choices. I can’t tell them what to do. I can no longer fix everything. Guidance, or suggestions are my role. Recently I was told that I cannot fix things unless someone wants them fixed. So I will sit tight and hope for the best for those I love ,and be there for them if they need me.

I will not be a casualty of this wrinkle in my life. I am finding ways to discover personal strengths, desires, ambitions . I have placed many things that I loved to do on the backburner.

But sometimes no matter how you try there are roadblocks. Last week I had to put my beautiful collie down, this week it was electronic problems with my car. Everyday is a misadventure or so it seems recently. Always working over to make up work time. Lets turn the page.

I will stay positive. Life is too short to give up on or too short to be miserable. I recently began to take dance lessons-jazz and hip hop. I am awful. Not in my kitchen though. There I am a Rockstar! Some of it is because I can just dance away… to music I know. But this class is an hour and a half or total movement. I feel that I am getting more flexible than I have been in a while. Benefits of exercise are eating healthier, weight loss, and just an overall better lifestyle. Moving on to better things, nicer people, and new things. Throwing down that ace in the hole!