When the night has come And the land is dark And the moon is the only light we’ll see No, I won’t be afraid Oh, I won’t be afraid Just as long as you stand Stand by me So darlin’, darlin’ Stand by me, oh, stand by me Oh, stand, stand by me Stand by me If the sky that we look upon Should tumble and fall Or the mountain should crumble to the sea I won’t cry, I won’t cry No, I won’t shed a tear Just as long as you stand Stand by me By: Ben E. King

A few years ago my sister bought me a bracelet with the word  “FEARLESS” inscribed on it. I wear it daily. Whenever I doubt myself, or think I cannot handle a situation I look on my wrist and remember what I have been through. This gives me the power to overcome whatever I may be currently faced with.

I don’t usually talk about my experience with cancer.  I must say though it was a difficult time in my life. If the cancer does not kill you, for sure the treatment comes very close.  After my first round of chemotherapy I remember saying that well this wasn’t too bad. Two days later I thought I would die. I remember it was Labor Day and I was getting out of the shower. I could barely walk ,but  made it straight to the bed. Too physically ill to even get dressed. Sure that I was going to die.  But I survived the chemotherapy.  Then the next step was radiation therapy. Seven weeks of 10 minute treatments, five days per week. Doesn’t sound so bad. But the treatment itself was terrifying. They buttoned a mask which covered my face to a machine and left the room. You must lay still for 10 minutes. You have to learn to be strong just to get through the treatment itself. Radiated right in the face.  I took the weeks of my chemo treatments off, and  I thought radiation would be a piece of cake. Not so. I tried to work. It just became too difficult. I laid on the couch with a headache, horrible nausea, and exhaustion. I barely did anything but go to radiation daily, then lie on the couch. I try not to dwell on this.  There was nothing good about this time except for the fact that I did survive. My sister sat with me through 7hours of chemo one day, and 2 five hour sessions that followed per month for 3 months. She watched TV with me, we did puzzles, and played computer games as I sat through treatment. My family watched my hair fall out , my face turn red, and noted my inability to eat. My sister filled my fridge with homemade food that I could heat up easily, and that I could chew and tolerate. She made and brought over a fabulous Christmas dinner for our families. Of course the x drove me to treatments, but had to leave after chemo infusion were started to open for business. Radiation was easier as it occurred and was completed early in the morning. It didn’t interfere with the business.

Three years later I can say that I feel the best I have in years. Not all due to cancer survival but perhaps due to just survival in general. During the course of my treatment I saw so many people who were so much worse off. I am able to carry on with my life with most physical parts still intact. I am grateful to be alive. Grateful for my sister and her family, to my loving boys who visited me nearly daily and to my brother and sister-in law for all their support and encouragement.

“FEARLESS” is to boldly move in the direction of your fears in order to overcome them. In this new life I must remember this. That I have been blessed with the ability to start over. That I have been given the strength and fortitude to carry on even in times when I begin to lose faith. That I know I can overcome obstacles that at times overwhelm me. That I am learning to be FEARLESS with the help of all those I love – who stand by me.